vote KELIS in on the 6th of may

so whilst christina aguilera is jumping on the 'i'm a robot from the future!' pop bandwagon that's already been crashed by lady gaga, kelis has taken a...um...different direction. the lib dems by the looks of things. lots of yellow

ignoring the future as much as possible the video for 'acapella' features wolves, bright colours, A HEADDRESS, and a baby.

so it's exactly like the video for milkshake!

when you think about it kelis is just like rihanna but older, harder and with grills.

so that headdress is pretty good. pretty stylish. they only look good on women though. like grace jones or karen o.

when gays wear them it's just shit and depressing. queens are cool but with no one to rule over you're just a loser with a bad choice of hat.

'acapella' looks like it was shot in the olden days. bit grainy. BUT WHEN IS IT OUT IN 3D KELIS?!

there's an election soon apparently so you have to go register to vote or you're a douche. here's some shit VICE are doing on it. if the tories win then they might bring back hunting which would be good for kelis as she hunts for geese or whatever @ 0:50.

if kelis was in the running for government i'd probably vote for her, mainly through fear. better than nick clegg. she rocks yellow more than he does @ 2:15.

frankly it's a bit rich that a black woman is allowed to paint herself all these fabulous colours and not get called racist. i think she's being politically incorrect wouldn't you say nick griffin?

such a babe.

she's like a slutty butterfly @ 2:15. a SLUTTERFLY one might say. are slutterflies just butterflies with bigger jugs and blonder hair?

now the end is odd because she just turns around and there's a baby on her back. it may be her son, it may be one of madonna's. eitherway it's there. fair and square.

whatever happened to the merry old days of when a popstar could just make a video about drinking dairy products?

TO THE YARD

much better.

rihanna needs you!

let's imagine an alternative universe where pop stars are not just insecure types with an excessive need to sing/dance infront of us so we can validate them by buying their music/copying their dance moves etc.

lezpretend that they're, i dunno, in government or something. i mean no ones ever put a celebrity in government before, right america?

oops.

so yes. in this alternative universe loadsofstuff can happen. guys ARE allowed to shag other guys, family fortunes IS always what you expect it to be, you will get that hoody that you lost in the club on monday BACK. and rihanna is actually in charge of the armed forces.

rallying the troops rihanna is sortof chanelling that other cool black bird, grace jones here 0:09. only less insane? possibly more? nah, no one is further removed from reality than grace jones. think about it.

that said though, the little pussy straightboy inside of me is slightly threatened by rihanna's displays of feminine dominance. (defo the bit where she holds the gun @ 1:25). she's doing the lot: crotch grabbing, crotch thrusting, crotchcrotchCROTCH.

i'm not going to say much about that spiky shoulder thing she's wearing. other than her eye-make up is a bit like KISS. no?

rolling around in mud must be like, totally empowering for women, right?

if you don't want to see who possibly put up some of the cashcash for this video, don't pause at 2:09. i wonder if they provided her with the cool hat. i want.

rihanna would have had no trouble taking helmand province at all. especially in a PINK TANK (2:30). and what is her hat? is this alternative universe marine battalion owned by DISNEY or something? fuck me hard i hope so.

then there's some bit with some bloke doing a rap or something. NOT RIHANNA = GIVE A SHIT?

in conclusion, this is boss.

ps - rihanna would totally take her pink tank army to haiti to help out. MAYBZDOSAME?