happy new year BUT beyonce has the best video

ok so beyonce's video for 'single ladies (put a ring on it)' got voted the best music video of the decade by muzo.tv (which you can visit HERE). and as it's the last post of 2009, it had to be done.

DONTLOOKATBEYONCE

beyonce is fit andyoudefinitelywould. dont care if you like willies or fannies or if you're into cakefarts (i certainly am). beyonce would own you. OWN YOU and your arms and your mum.

ok ok. i'm getting carried away. she's just a woman right?

um. no. here's 6 definitions of beyonce. sponsored by vicewanker cliffe.

1) god. - this may or may not be true. ask richard dawkins. maybe ask him to perform his own parody of the single ladies video a la justin timberlake and countless others.

just picture the atheist supremo gyrating gloriously like m. knowles at 0:54. (or don't. i definitely don't want to). wikiepedia based research backs me up.

time took to scroll down gods wiki= 6 seconds

time took to scroll down beyonce's wiki= 10 seconds.

BOOM

2) jesus. - related to god and said by some to be god incarnate. ALSO said to be black by a lot of folk so you know. jesus was black; he totally got crucified but t

hen totally came back. and then was never seen again but was rumoured to return. and beyonce is black! so you see the evidence is all there. but you cant crucify beyonce. she's immortal.

oh and jesus totally used to do the rhythmic bum slap thing (2:40) with judas and peter all the fucking time.

3) the holy trinity. - beyonce is into threesomes. just look at this video. three women: one concept. the concept being: the father, son and holy ghost 'aint got NOTHING on me, friend.

4) allah. - well no one knows what allah really looks like do they? who's to say it's not beyonce? my friend (who is not muslim) has a copy of the koran and i dont know about you but it'd be a darn bit more interesting if this was on the cover:

6) the devil. - highly unlikely. though there is something about beyonce that is slightly evil. like making little gay men dead confused about their own sexualities.

if you have any further questions then direct them to google. this is what i got when i typed "is beyonce" into the searchbox:

is beyonce pregnant = 1,820,000 results

is beyonce a devil worshipper = 58,100 results

is beyonce a freemason = 567,000 results

is beyonce married = 3,370,000 results

is beyonce dead = 24,100,000 results

is beyonce a christian = 10,900,000 results

is beyonce black = 41,000,000 results

is beyonce evil = 3,350,000 results

is beyonce possessed = 96,100 results

is beyonce's hair real = 10,200,000 results

gawd it was goodlots to write the name of god 10 times. not so good however was the fact that there are 41,000,000 results questioning whether beyonce knowles is black.

someone needs to sort that.

happy new year folks!

anybody who spells their name with a dollar sign: LOSES

here is a song from person who is (apparently) friends with katy perry. it's called TiK tOk:

some questions for the day:

1) ok but who is this?

2) where has she crawled from?

3) why is she number six in the uk charts?

she is kesha apparently. a bit like uffy only...not. from what we gather in this video she seems to really like sleeping in baths. like really. she starts the video off in a bath; ends it in a bath. always with one shoe off. so clearly she is a form of bath vampire only able to frolic lots if she gets a full nights kip in the tub.

that's two of our questions answered then. she is kesha and she crawled from YOUR BATH.

she is not number six because of this video. here's why.

so she sleeps in baths with only one shoe. ok. is that even her house? we v.much doubt it. she's probably been taking drugs and "getting wrecked". tsk. what would emmeline pankhurst say?

kesha then encounters a very strait-laced family. this is cool because she's clearly a wreckdouche and they're into jesus and rules. WOW. feel the divide in that room. that's where the comedy comes from kids. (note: this has never been done before). and she made mom drop the pancakes. dont hate her jesusfolk - she knows not what she does!!!!!ZOMG

so not only is keshadouche a pancake smasher she's got v.funny taste in bikes. big gold number. and now she's talking to children. and taking their boombox. what an utter thundercunt. we reckon she could afford her own boombox if she actually stopped living like a gypo and ditched the whole sleep in a bath with one shoe on malarky.

she's going to suck off the 118 boy in the car isn't she? maybe not.

right: if this cow is so hardcore why doesn't she kick moustache man out and drive herself? because she's on drugs REMEMBER! god.

ah she's made it to the club. well done love. clearly on far too much ketamine though right? oh maybe it's not a club. maybe it's an illegal rave. sorry did we say "illegal" we meant "genericandnotinanywayinteresting".

THERE IS SOMEONE IN THIS PARTY WEARING RIPPED JEANS. oh shit it's her.

there we have it folks. you've seen the future and it's ke$ha. (note: that is actually how you spell her name)