my nan is better than nicki minaj

i've not been well this week. i've been coughing, sneezing and aching all over. want to know how sick i was?

i had a fever dream that my body was a factory and i didn't need to get a job because my body was my livelihood. i'm telling you, freud would have a field day with me.

so i've been languishing in bed and hacking up my sexy innards. thank god for my nan. after swearing at me quite vehemently regarding my new hair cut, she materialized like a fairy godmother on my doorstep bearing all the essentials for when you're sick.

lemons - for hot toddy assembly

oranges - for vitamins

(cooked)sausages - unsure. whatever. i had a nice sandwich

yoghurt - for "good" bacteria. but it wasn't yakult so it's less wanky

whiskey - for fun!

it was a lot like this video:

yes, my nan is the old white catholic version of nicki minaj. i'm going to languish in bed some more and watch boxsets.

lessons: it's ok to like ke$ha

first of all, HAPPY NEW YEAR!

second of all, there was no post last week because i was in berlin. if you've not been then i suggest you go and have a beer or two because it is very, very good. amongst other activities i got to:

- sing to my hearts content in monster ronson's ichiban kareoke: here.

- learn all i could about that pesky hitler bloke: here.

- pick up the latest copy of exberliner: here.

- and watch my friend conspicuously throw up on a table in a cool bar: here.

all in all, there was a good time had...by all. now to business.

i used to majorly slag off ke$ha for spelling her name with a dollar sign. I WAS WRONG. my time in uber liberal and sexy berlin taught me the error of my judgeMENTAL ways.

here's her alternative video for 'take it off'

here's why i like this video:

1. ke$ha

you show me the last young pop singer to have the balls to dress as trashy as she does. plus in this video she's half animal and stuff. she's like a were-cat only with more glitter and an army of gays. 10 POINTS

2. colour - fuck what you heard about being all dark and grey this winter. on planet pop EVERYTHING MUST BE BRIGHT AND FuCKING COLOurFUL.

3. jeffree star

i forgot this fag even existed. remember when he was the uber queer of myspace? remember when you cared? now he just shows up only to get annihilated by ke$ha's slut voodoo. bet you he wishes he'd spelt HIS name with a dollar sign.

4. animism

anything that suggests you have an inner animal totem is evidence that ke$ha is, you know, well meta and not a total slag wagon at all.

5. ke$ha

because she's not katy fucking perry.