Friday, 31 December 2010
Friday, 17 December 2010
but seriously, crabs. if you've ever had them you'll know how resilient they are. i admire the little bastards in a way. their resistance to destruction deserves a little respect.*
imagine an infestation of crabs who do song and dance routines in skimpy clothes. they look something like this.
here's the video for debut single 'poison'
looking for victims
driving through the pubes like a louse out of hell
gurning on too much human blood
she's catchy. you have been warned.
*note - you can actually get rid of crabs with derbac. have fun asking for that at the chemist counter.
Friday, 10 December 2010
Friday, 3 December 2010
but if you're a pop star or a finalist in that there x-factor telly programme then you're probably performing in music videos where you talk to people who are not famous about how famous you are.
take a look at justin bieber's video for 'pray'.
i don't know a lot about justin bieber. apart from the fact he can dance well and (like the pope) he has an army of extremist fans known as 'beliebers'.
'pray' is justin's serious video. i am flooded with nausea whenever a pop star does this. you know that thing they do when they take a break from singing songs about love, da club or being the "only girl in the world" and decide to tackle an issue. it's usually poverty. or famine. or disease. or a melange of all three.
YES some proceeds go to charity
YES it's ethically sound
YES it's perfect for christmas time
but that doesn't stop the aforementioned pop star being a holy douchelord. i mean come on, this chick just looks confused that justin bieber is talking to her
here's how that conversation went:
bieber - hey. you're sick huh?
girl - yes. quite a bit actually. can i help you?
bieber - i came to talk to you about my belief in god. and my pubes.
girl - but you don't have pubes.
bieber - .....
despite this douchery, bieber does know how to rock a thermal
thumbs up justin. but please - quit being a patronising little shit. anyone can (and should!) wear a thermal vest. there's no reason to be smug.
even the x-factor finalists are jumping on the charity christmas single bandwagon.
i dont know about you but if i were in the armed forces i would not appreciate louis from one direction asking me about my experiences in war which are no doubt beyond horrific. i would like the opportunity to ask why they always dress louis like the thief of baghdad though.
i mean the way this video is going you'd think that the x-factor finalists were proposing to go off to war. my bets are on mary byrne being the only one to make it out of helmand alive.
finally take a look at this this audiovisual razorblade enema from mel c. you remember mel? the spice girl who had the best bits in the songs but no one actually wanted to dress up as because her outfits were lame. yeah her.
LOOK AT THIS OFFENSE TO 90s POP
i've been in the same room as mel c. it was DEAD awkward because after mel trollyed out 'i turn to you' the others came on and informed us that mel's new album was out and we should all go out and buy it. cue the entire of o2 arena resolutely sitting down in DISGUST.
LOVE THE HAIR MEL.
hahah i love this picture. she seems to be saying 'where did it all go wrong? is it coz i'm scouse likhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhch?'
the answer is: "no. it all went wrong because
YOU DIDN'T WEAR YOUR THERMALS MELANIE"
wrap up warm sexies.