Friday, 23 April 2010

lessons: trapezes improve any given situation

ok i didn't get the diana vickers thing when she was around on x-factor a billion years ago. i don't even think i was watching x-factor that year. i remember she was slated a bit for some clawed hand habit and she was meant to be shagging that little ginger one who looked about 10.

she's ditched him and got herself a music video. that is definitely the way to break up with someone. that or like THIS.

'once' by diana vickers

here's some facts about the video for 'once':

1) there is no plot what so ever

2) its got bits in it that are cheryl cole influenced

3) there's a trapeze (!!!)


1) for a first video you don't really need a plot. you're not fucking kate bush. so well done. diana wears different outfits and dances or just postures in front of some woefully underpaid backing dancers. (they could be anyone. they could be you. but you cant wear a suit.)

you realise as you watch this video that d-ickers either fears her head falling off (maybe that gingerchaun put a gypo curse on her for dumping him) or she just loves touching her head. 38 times. and when she's not touching her own bonce she's grabbing other peoples (2:04). maybe she's trying to nick his ears. an anagram of diana vickers IS "diva nicks ear" so what i'm saying is definitely true.

2) particularly the bit when d-ickers is wearing that dead cuddly animal hoody (0:49). it's almost a direct imitation of the bit in the 'fight for this love' video when our cheryl is wearing a dead disco tiger. see.

d-cikers definitely did it better than cole hole.

3) FINALLY a trapeze! is that even the right term? what ever. it's there and d-ickers is on it. here's a theory about trapezes: they improve ANYTHING.

want to make an entrance? you descend from a trapeze.

want to make an exit? you ascend on a trapeze.

want to make sure everyone notices you at a party? GLIDE OVER THEM ON A TRAPEZE.

if the leaders debates (vice has done something on them here. don't look. it's probably reactionary roobish) have taught us nothing, it's that politics is fucking boring television. cam, clegg and brown standing motionless at a podium? BORING.

cam, clegg and brown all descending to the stage on a trapeze? AMAZING LOADS.

given, it's ladies who really work trapezes to their advantage. like d-ickers who manages to appear simultaneously vulnerable and evil whilst on hers. its something about the way she uses it as a swing like a girl in a kids playground who lures paedophiles to their genital mutilating demise.

WELL DONE DIANA: the people's ponce exterminator.

also my mate sniff got off with her in school apparently. playa.

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