questions: who is the real christina aguilera?

no i'm not going to talk about the incident. we let it happen so there's only ourselves to blame. but then again we're also to blame for cool stuff like refrigeration and birth control so BUCK UP piss worm, all is not lost.

christina aguilera may be lame right now but she wasn't always so pathetic. was she?

EVIDENCE

candyman

anything 40s/50s is a hot ticket right now so yeah. she should get back to this shit. just look at how much fun she's having. she's having so much fun it's made this guy lose his mind.

is campari even nice? i don't care if they sponsor amazing shit like this. "christina" has had a few too many by the looks of this

and look, rosie the riveter. feminists get a major-league hard one for this woman. and so do i. i want her to work my land. or something. we didn't even have rosie in england did we? whatever. she looks good and is ideologically sound.

notice anything funny about the ending? DATS RIOGHT: it wasn't made by christina. this was some chick called "candy".

fighter

click dis

some luminary i used to go to school with said of this video: "she's turned into a PYAH goth". and i agree. starting off imprisoned in some glass box which is eventually smashed, "christina" hump backs her way around a big cave thing. looking a bit like a rubber-loving-witchity-goth crossed with tim burton's wet dream by way of the micky mouse club? whatever. this is a long departure from genie in a bottle.

she breaks out of the goth phase and gets all blonde with her goddess powers or something. but she's got moths flying around her. moths? really christina? is that really what you want to be deity to? MOTHS? fine have it your way, i would have chosen the butterfly but that's boring. but a MOTH? that you set on fire? i really hope the moth was not set on fire. imagine being immolated purely because "christina aguilera" was your god? fuck i'm glad i'm not a moth.

now comes some black widow phase or something. she's wearing red so i guess it's a bit empowering but then she does a lame "break the fourth wall" thing at the end kicking a hole in the screen. it didn't work for sex and the city (seasons 1&2), so it's definitely not going to work for gothmog dunder-crap in this, OK? lame

dirty

yep. THAT video. the artist was given full creative control over this which suggests that this is the real "christina". if you were choosing a video to embody the real you, would you choose 'dirrty'? really? that second r has been EARrNED.

so we have what some interview describes as a "post-apocalyptic orgy". there's foxy boxing between "christina" and some masked douche (maybe it's britney spears?). then a shower of filth that would shame a sewer. that's filth, not sex. sex is fun. getting dirty can BE fun but only if you clean up afterwards. no one has cleaned up here. no one. you can smell it. christina can definitely smell it here:

are you one to crotch watch? (that comes c/o sazbags & egg) LOOK OUT! THERE SHE BLOWS!

ah then they do get showers. showers in what looks like a urinal. is that an all female shower? no. check out the tranny on the right. "christina" could be shitting on them right now.

so the real "christina" is actually a smelly ho. or is she?

TILL NEXT TIME

and yes: i learnt how to do screen grabs