Monday, 2 August 2010

truths: God loves snogging statues

before we begin, having a crush on a statue is normal. here's a picture of the statue i fancy.

he's on a war memorial and i walk past him every day that i walk into work. we never speak because he's busy looking after a small child. and he's a statue. easily the best looking statue on the memorial. apart from the angel but they have no bits so they're only good for a snog. anyway my point is; it's ok to fancy statues.

just like Madonna in the 'like a prayer' video.

Madonna - Like A Prayer [Video]
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ok so the first indication that none of what follows is real is when Madonna falls over. this never EVER happens. as a being who had a whole fucking arm, let alone a hand, in the creation of the world, Her falling over is a mathematical impossibility.

second clue is when She opens the door to let Herself into church. all churches are Hers and their doors automatically open when ever she shows up. it's not a courtesy thing or anything, it just happens.

this crying statue is pretty accurate though because She can cause anything to cry. these people are faggy wimps but i totally understand where they're coming from.

She brings the statue to life only to be abandoned by the ungrateful fuck. what can we deduce from this? that:

a) the statue has no 'junk' in manner of a ken doll

b) the statue is just not that into Her

c) the statue is gay

WRONG bottom feeder. none of the above. here's why:

a) WRONG beacue a cock simply appears for Her whenever she wants one.

b) WRONG because no such creature exists

c) WRONG because you are hung up on labels

the idea that a knife could penetrate Her skin without permission is actually insane. besides they are not Her hands. look how slutty they are, they're obviously lindsay lohan's hands after she dropped her and sam's spike-dildo 3000. i wonder how that lez is doing in the slammer. i imagine its like bad girls meets mean girls; so it would be like mad girls. whatever, she's knee fucking deep in minge. IT'S A HOLIDAY.

the choir spring from Her mind. this is why they are cool. it has nothing to do with the fact that they're black.

the woman who gets murdered in the back alley is actually a human grown from the nasal tissue of barbara streisand. those guys are fag puritans who worship babs through daily screenings of 'funny girl'

She didn't take any action to save this weird genetically engineered curio because She knew it survived. here's a recent picture.

She then goes to hang out with the choir and snogs the statue. that's nice. and just like that new christopher nolan film starring the bloke from titanic who now resembles bacon, the whole thing is revealed to be a dream. i know, sort of lame - HAHA SHUT UP ARE YOU KIDDING? IT'S AMAZING.

if you're still not convinced about Her having created pretty much everything - i refer you to this.


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