you know what's better than 90s videos?
80s videos. cue inevitable facebookgeneration response of "noooo dickhead, we're over our ironic appreciation of a previous decade. we like TWLIGHT now? and twitter"
alright folks. but the 80s is still deadgoodloads right? actually that's not even going to be a question. truefact. in. your. pretty. face.
apart from this song being ten thousand breeds of amazing, this video (like most stuff from the decade) is batshit crazy. say hello to 'Art of Noise - Moments in Love'.
six oddballs are sitting around watching dolly parton (0:54) and a chap with a fine profile (0:58) ice skate.
is this some fucked-up competition, whereby dolly and her dude must skate for survival? maybe.
so now one of the "judges" has a bit of a headache and then experiences a vision (alice fromtwilight style FTW) of a boy about to suck face with a tortoise.
back to the skate and blokeinmask has either just eaten a watermelon or he wants to molest dolly parton-
right. hold. the. bigfuckingmobilephone.
watch carefully from 1:30 and prepare for a glimpse of just how many drugs people were on during the 1980s. at 1:34 you will see what i mean.
tortoise. in a dress. ICESKATING.
a cursory look at the making of this video states the tortoise is "supposed" to represent the lethargy of mainstream rock. i guess they have to say that for, you know political correctness or something.
onto 2:20 and that boy (is he on drugs too? poor lamb) is in serious danger of licking the tortoise.
at 2:40 you will see what will haunt my nightmares for the rest of the festive period. a representation "the lethargy of mainstream rock music" (OR A FUCKING FUCKED UP TURTLE MAYBZ???!) moaning into the camera.
ahhh dude with a harp makes it all better.
is this not fantastic? the judges deliver their final scores (like a really really scary nightmare version of 'strictly come dancing on ice'), then flip their cards which read "DON'T BE AFRAID". umm.
then dolly&her dude both win a golden tortoise.
because that was such an eye opener i'm only reviewing 80s videos this coming week. suggestions (especially those that include ice-skating animals and/or hair the size of a small moon) welcome.
ps - don't do this