lessons: michael jackson's 'thriller' is DEAD lame

i'm doing michael jackson's thriller this week because it's the only 'scary' video i can think of.

michael jackson - 'thriller'

as it's a soul sucking 13:43 minutes long here's a brief summary.

prologue = boring & lame

part I = unscary lame

part II = postmodern but still lame

part III = undead and lame

part IV = AMAZING LOADS

part V = lame

prologue:

lame disclaimer about not believing in the occult. no one cares. and the occult is cool. check out my great uncle aleister crowley if you want proof.

part I = unscary lame

michael and some whore who posed for playboy one time are probably about to go at it in the dark of the woods which would be truly scary. appaz the jacket is supposed to make him look virile. HAHAHAH

oh but wait. he's not like other guys. just when you expect him to declare his latent interest in male butt holes he turns into a werewolf. see twilight fans, this is what a REAL lycanthrope looks like.

oh wait it's a werecat. sounds lame but personally much more scary. cats are fucking evil and not to be trusted. apart from thundercats, though they're still pretty weird.

part II = postmodern but still lame

so the wolf is chasing titty mcnippleout. oh wait. it's a film in a cinema. a cinema full of people having fun including two people who share an uncanny resemblance with those on screen.

titty mcnippleout is a total pussy for wanting to walk out of a film. who does that? really? unless the film is like 'sex and the city 2'?

she's also dumb coz she's not figured that the guy and the girl in the film are EXACT REPLICAS of her and her boyfriend.

to cheer up his lame girlfriend michael dances in the street. he's giving it beans but she's just being lame and walking around. seriously, cut the bitch loose and hook up with someone who's more up you're street AND OF LEGAL AGE.

part III = undead and lame

zombies are well good but it's nearly seven minutes into this shit storm and not one of them has danced yet. also i love how getting out of your eternal grave is so easy for these zombies. did you guys see that episode of buffy? it takes her a proper EFFORT and trauma to get out of there. and she's a vampire slayer for god's sake. are america's gravediggers just shoddy workers or what?

all the zombies are gunning for that boring bitch with michael. and who can blame them? she's fucking rubbish.

part IV = AMAZING LOADS

ah here we go. anyone who says they dont try to at least imitate THIS BIT when they're drunk and this song comes on is LYING. every ones does it because it's amazing.

part V = lame

ok now we're back to the lame story bit. and the zombies are going to eat whatsherface. oh no they're not. LAME LAME LAME LAME

you know when they do this on sunday's x-factor for the big group sing song (and if they don't they're missing a HUGE trick) i hope that they recreate the entire routine (even mary) with wagner as the michael jackson character. but knowing brian friedman, who is enjoying far too much exposure this year, it'll probably be really standard until cher lloyd appears wearing a pair of trousers crafted from michael jackson's dead body and pulling that face she always pulls.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS