let's imagine an alternative universe where pop stars are not just insecure types with an excessive need to sing/dance infront of us so we can validate them by buying their music/copying their dance moves etc.
lezpretend that they're, i dunno, in government or something. i mean no ones ever put a celebrity in government before, right america?
oops.
so yes. in this alternative universe loadsofstuff can happen. guys ARE allowed to shag other guys, family fortunes IS always what you expect it to be, you will get that hoody that you lost in the club on monday BACK. and rihanna is actually in charge of the armed forces.
rallying the troops rihanna is sortof chanelling that other cool black bird, grace jones here 0:09. only less insane? possibly more? nah, no one is further removed from reality than grace jones. think about it.
that said though, the little pussy straightboy inside of me is slightly threatened by rihanna's displays of feminine dominance. (defo the bit where she holds the gun @ 1:25). she's doing the lot: crotch grabbing, crotch thrusting, crotchcrotchCROTCH.
i'm not going to say much about that spiky shoulder thing she's wearing. other than her eye-make up is a bit like KISS. no?
rolling around in mud must be like, totally empowering for women, right?
if you don't want to see who possibly put up some of the cashcash for this video, don't pause at 2:09. i wonder if they provided her with the cool hat. i want.
rihanna would have had no trouble taking helmand province at all. especially in a PINK TANK (2:30). and what is her hat? is this alternative universe marine battalion owned by DISNEY or something? fuck me hard i hope so.
then there's some bit with some bloke doing a rap or something. NOT RIHANNA = GIVE A SHIT?
in conclusion, this is boss.
ps - rihanna would totally take her pink tank army to haiti to help out. MAYBZDOSAME?
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