black eyed PURLEASE

for their new video 'Meet me Halfway' fergie and friends (minions) have gone interstellar. watch out skywalker.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmkzbkGnby0

opening on a road that sits beneath the starriest sky EVA the camera then zooms into the stratosphere to focus on fergie ferg doing a princess leia routine on some forest planet.

she's a bit sexy. but where are all the ewoks? they never reappeared in the star wars franchise after return of the jedi you know. something suspish there. george lucas (or the irish) have something to do with it. they are both magic and evil.

after ferg has done her sexy alien forest nymph thing we get backing singer number 1 (jeff? cyril? lewis? we don't know) doing some weird shaman voodoo kabbala shit in a desert. he kind of looks like a sand person! 0:35 and this picture:

you know what im talking about.

why is he spinning round?

1) he's magic

2) he's evil

3) he's both

we say 3. both. clearly an interplanetary stalker, hell bent on grafting his boomboompow into ferg's ladylumps. scary bastard.

ooh ferg is being all objectified in space. nice one ferg; taking misogyny to the stars.

here's stalker/backing singer number 2. we think the video credits him as the elephant man so that's the one we're going with. space elephants. now there's a concept. like actual elephants weren't enough. these ones are from SPACE. all the better to stalk with. maybe its a robot elephant with a radar in its capacious bottom? oh no. the radar is in stalker 2's hands.

these stalkers mean business don't they? what does fergie have betwixt her legs? the plans for the third death star?

oh hang on. there's now some douche astronaut flying far too close to the sun. REMEMBER ICARUS YOU BOOB! he's never going to get fergie's goodies.

now this is surreal. mirrored spinning geometric shapes have appeared. that's right folks, if you want to fuck up your life touch spinning geometric shapes.

for what happens when you do such a thing? by the looks of things you transform into an astroid and hurtle towards your nearest celestial body.

and that's really annoying. what happens when they've landed? is it in the fucking sequel or something? well fuck that. im going to watch new moon instead. ZOMG