introducing spear theory, lamedating and "44"

here is britney spears new video for 'One Two Three'. it's all about numbers. this is important information. have a care and remember.

if britney's new video was a personals ad on some lame dating website like match.com or gaydar.co.uk

(maybe it'd be on fitlads.net; but then, WHO'D go on there? ehhhhhh?) it would probably read something like this:

blonde with newly improved hair, likes to shake ass against all white backgrounds in order to ignore camera for no reason.

can wear slutty clothes without being an ACTUAL slut because ACTUAL sluts don't have their own fragrance. (0:02)

enjoys walks down hollywood boulevard with a starbucks decaf ketamine latte, no cream.

did not used to be crazy and/or bald. ever.

keep getting messages from user: jokerfacecakefart asking me to be in a video with her. do not want to do a bigweird video with that nose! GET THE MESSAGE!

not interested in anyone called kevin. or going to vegas.

cheers!

i wouldn't message back, but place your bets that psycho maryqueen chris crocker doing so. go on, make love happen.

VOM.

thankfully it's not a dating video. so now it's time to get theoretical about the hidden messages buried deep in the subconscious of mz b.spears. time for some:

spear theory: britney touches her hair 44 times in this video. yes. 44 times. not only is that fun; it also means something. some hidden knowledge that should probably be accompanied by the noise that occurs at 0:15 in this medical awareness campaign against listeria.

so what does it mean?

well my superior C grade gsce in mathematics (also known as: typing"44"intogoogle) says "44" is a "happy number". who knew numbers could be happy? i knew "1" was lonely, "2" was company and "3" was magic or something but beyond that I never would have said "44" was a "happy" number. best number is clearly "9" anyway.

so yeah "44" is happy.

this means the secret message hidden in this video is "I'M HAPPY ZOMG". cheers britney. good for you.

but i've figured out she's mainly happy because barack obama is the 44th president of the u.s.a (and who wouldn't be? the man is literally amazing. literally).

today is also black friday. this has nothing to do with black people, but why not just go with it.

more black empowerment FTW.